Bridge to Kyle's House
by Pabs
Summary: Kyle, a stupid boy, must deal with his problems: he sees a world no one else does. As this world evolves, he finds himself shoved into an FBI operation that could cost him his life. Oh, this sounds really epic. Parody of Bridge to Terebithia.


**DISCLAIMER**: IF YOU THINK ANYONE IN THIS STORY IS LIKE ANYONE IN REAL LIFE YOU ARE DUMB AS…KYLE JONES

**Chapter I: Encounter in the Woods**

Jennifer Jones sat by the television below the stairs. Her eyes were lit with lust. Her mouth watered in wanting. The TV's volume flooded into her ear like a rain storm. "And this model ship….model ship…model ship, only two-hundred and twenty five dollars…dollars…dollars." She gasped. The word bargain sprang into her head.

"Greg!" She called angrily.

"Yes dear?" A timid man said, emerging from the kitchen. Plates were still stapled to his shirt. "Can I remove these plates?"

"Not until you've cleaned them all and taken out the trash! I want this model boat!" She screamed.

"Okay honey, how much is it?" He asked, frightened by her sudden outburst.

"Only…" She stopped as heavy footsteps came from the stairs. She rolled her eyes. "Hello Kyle!" she said sweetly.

"Hey mummy!" said an incredibly high, annoying voice. Kyle appeared at the foot of the steps. His uni-brow had been freshly shaved, bringing the mane of hair that was his eyebrow to two tiny lumps of fuzz. His shoulders were brought up by his head. His low set forehead gave him a look of kind stupidity.

"We oh so love you Kyle!" She said again. Kyle's father looked at her oddly, as though she were insane.

"Love you too mummy! I'm going to Grubuguga!" He said excitedly. His mother's smile faded. He was doing it again. The dad let out a subdued laugh. Kyle smiled and threw the door open. "Goodbye!" He roared into the wind.

His father burst out laughing. He fell to his knees and pounded the floor. "I love you too Dada!" Kyle said ecstatically as he rushed out the door. It slammed behind him.

"We should have named our child Matt, or Daniel, much better names…" Jennifer said sadly.

Greg nodded. He laughed again. "Our son is such a dork!"

She turned back to him. "Now! About the boat…

Kyle giggled. The flowers were so beautiful. He pranced across the road and through the meadow. "I love the world!" he said happily, more to himself than to the magical fairies around him. There was an explosive roar from beside him.

"On guard!" He bellowed, removing a piece of grass from the ground and brandishing it like a blade. A cow sat there, its eyes fixed on him, its mouth chewing the green grass.

It let out a moo. "Moo yourself." Kyle responded sheepishly. It mooed once more. "Is this a challenge?" He asked defiantly. It let out a waft of air. Kyle fell to the floor. His head hurt. He groaned. Quickly regaining his footing, he spat at the cow. "Have it your way…" He muttered.

He continued his walk, brushing off fairies. There was a rumble. Kyle crouched in a ready position. He gasped. Three freakish things erupted from the forest. "Centocyclers!" He whispered to the fairy beside him. These weird hybrids of man, machine, and pony faced him. Their bodies were of bare skinned men, their legs were of horses, and they rode motorcycles. What could be more terrifying? Gryphocyclers of course, but that didn't matter.

He couldn't face one Centocycler, much less and gang of three. Since no one else could see his world, he couldn't ask for help. There was a manly grunt. A ball flew from nowhere and hit the lead Centocycler. The other two zoomed into the forest, demoralized. "Man!" a deep voice said sadly.

Kyle drifted into his own heaven as a large figure appeared. The figure was well built, obviously a female, and strong. She had short, black hair and a tank-top shirt. "Hey," she said in a gruff, unattractive voice. Yet, somehow it made Kyle jump for joy.

"Hi!" he said in his giddy tone.

"Get me my ball, shrimp." She said. He loved the name…shrimp. He said it a few times, trying it for size. He slowly picked up the ball and tossed it. It landed yards away from her. "Pfft, nice throw!"

Kyle looked at her bashfully. "Thanks, Te-he!" She gave him an odd look, like he was an idiot.

"My name's Meg, wanna hang out some time?" The girl said slowly. "You're a real freak. I don't have a freak for a friend."

"You saved me from the Centocyclers! You can hang off a ledge with me anytime!" Kyle replied excitedly. He had never hung out on a ledge before, much less had he ever done anything with anyone besides himself and the magical creatures of the forest.

She receded in disgust. "Uh, whatever. Here's my number. Give me a call on your cell." Kyle looked at her in wonder. Did she have some magical ability to communicate using her cells.

"What type of cell do I use?" He asked wonderingly.

"Uh, I have Verizon…so you can use that if you have it…I guess. You're really weird, has anyone ever told you that?"

"No one ever talks to me!" he said joyfully. She had complimented him! He felt proud.

"Ya, bye!" She said hastily. She was gone as quickly as she had come. Would she come back?

He looked at the number. It was time to go home!

He pressed the phone against his ear hard. "Hello, Meg, can you hear me?"

"You have to dial the number dear…" His mother said. He heard his father laughing.

"No, no, it's okay son. She'll pick up eventually!" He said jokingly. He broke down into laughter again.

"Shut up Greg! Don't listen to your father, honey." Kyle nodded and dialed the number.

"Hello?" He said again. It rang. It rang again. And again. And again. He became dizzy. There was a click.

A voice shot through his ear. "Hello, this is the rejection hotline…" He smiled.

"Meg, hi, Meg?'

"If a person has given you this number, they wanted to reject you!" The voice continued.

"Meg, are you there?"

"This could have happened for any number of reasons. They could have not liked you," It continued.

"I don't understand all of your jargon, Meg. Let's take pictures of butterflies at six tomorrow, okay?" He said eagerly.

"They could have thought you were a complete loser. Heck, they could have hated you!" He smiled.

"I'll take that as an ok?" Kyle said happily. His mother grabbed the phone. She held it to her ear for a moment. A look of scorn crossed her face.

"The nerve. A rejection hotline, Greg!" She said angrily. He burst to tears laughing. He was hysterical.

"Rejection, Rejection, haha!" He said blatantly.

Kyle smiled and rushed up to his room. This was the best day of his life.


End file.
